Monday I got my assignment and was told that one of my patients is actively dying. He had a cardiac arrest on Sunday night and came to the ER. Once in the ER it became apparent that he was not going to make, so they admitted him to our floor to let him die. He had a morphine drip & was getting Valium IV q 3h. All of this was a completely new experience. I got past the pharmacy hurdle of pushing IV Valium, you are supposed to have the patient hooked up to a monitor, but in palliative care Valium is obviously given for a different reason, in this case, seizures. I learned how to hang a new bottle of the morphine drip and how to titrate it for comfort. Let me just say one thing about that, that is totally a subjective call. One person thinks you should bump it up, another thinks you are actually causing them to die. I know there are HUGE debates about hospice, I now understand why. On another note, I thought I would feel differently when caring for someone as they are dying, but at first I just felt awkward, then I felt fine with it. Feeling fine with someone dying was very surprising, that made me feel weird. I'm still undecided about that whole thing. In the end he didn't die on my shift, just 4 hours after I left he passed away. May he rest at last.
Tuesday started out with an NGtube connected to a Gomco with low intermittent suction. Ok, this is what you talk about in nursing school, but this was the first one I had ever seen. Instantly I scan through the vast book knowledge stored somewhere in my brain to remember the vital do's and dont's of an NGT. HOB eleveated? check. Placement check? check. Anything else? who knows! It wasn't that bad, but last night the patient pulled it out "accidentally" and today there was an order to reinsert it if nausea continues. HA! I've never put one in before & she didn't want it in, so I just left it at that. Unfortunately, I ended up having to get her ready for the OR b/c her small bowel obx was getting worse. I hope she does ok, she was really sweet.
The kindness of some people goes beyond words. My manager showed me a letter from a patient's family memeber about our unit, and they mentioned me. I think I blogged about this patient before, the one who gave me the gift card, etc. Well here is the paragraph about me: "The entire staff of XX was wonderful, techs, housekeepers and nurses. In particular though, her nurse Jamie XXX deserves special praise. We all felt so fortunate that Jamie took care of our mom her entire stay. That continuity of care meant so much. Jamie is so kind and conscientous - it's hard to believe she is a new nurse. I hope you realize how lucky you are to have her as a staff member. She is one of a kind." Wow. I didn't make that up either!! My manager told me today that the people higher up want to frame it?!
Last but not least, another "nursing school only" special. Thursday we got an ER admission at 6am, the ER computer was not working so we had NO information about her, oh, and she only speaks spanish. Ummm. Does anyone know where the interpreter phone is? Of course not! The patient was really sick too. By 11:30 I found the interpreter phone, learned how to use it and was able to talk to her, what a relief. I can't imagine how she must have felt. By the end of the day she needed and NGT too, another possible bowel obstruction, go figure. Must have been a special on NGT's and gomcos. But hey, now I know how to use a gomco, the interpreter phone, and feel more comfortable with NGT's.
What a week! Just one more day left to go I wonder what I will learn tomorrow!!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Laughter Saves The Day
Today was a DAY :\
I don't know how to describe it other than WTF?! I had 5 patients, 4 of which were complete cares, of those 4, 3 were confused, with one of them getting progressively more confused as the day went on. The guy was lying in bed and kept yelling "HELP, I'M FALLING!!" grr....
In the meantime we had 2 RRT's (rapid response team). Then the patient I sent to the GI lab for a PEG tube replacement comes back with a blood sugar of 59, gee thanks.
Of course, at change of shift we get an ER admission and a post-op. Nice :)
I try to work out the next shift assignment and am rewarded by the grumpy 3-11 shift being pissed off at what was left for them to do. Give me an effing break!
I was throwing verbal bombs all day long, but then it got so bad it became funny. Then it was really funny.
Laughter is good, I hope I never lose the humor of my job, even though it can be very serious, it can also be so extremely stressful that it either becomes laughter or tears. Today it was laughter.
Ok, bedtime now. :)
I don't know how to describe it other than WTF?! I had 5 patients, 4 of which were complete cares, of those 4, 3 were confused, with one of them getting progressively more confused as the day went on. The guy was lying in bed and kept yelling "HELP, I'M FALLING!!" grr....
In the meantime we had 2 RRT's (rapid response team). Then the patient I sent to the GI lab for a PEG tube replacement comes back with a blood sugar of 59, gee thanks.
Of course, at change of shift we get an ER admission and a post-op. Nice :)
I try to work out the next shift assignment and am rewarded by the grumpy 3-11 shift being pissed off at what was left for them to do. Give me an effing break!
I was throwing verbal bombs all day long, but then it got so bad it became funny. Then it was really funny.
Laughter is good, I hope I never lose the humor of my job, even though it can be very serious, it can also be so extremely stressful that it either becomes laughter or tears. Today it was laughter.
Ok, bedtime now. :)
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Overdue Blog!
You might call this blog 'overdue' but I prefer to think of it as very sentimental. Exactly 30 days from yesterday I started on my own. So here is my personal evaluation of the past month.
I definitely have learned a lot. Mostly I have been on the orthopedic unit & I must confess that I really like ortho. I am kind of shocked at myself b/c I never would've thought I would like ortho, but I do. It is so amazing to see people with total knee or hip replacements get up and walk the first day after surgery. I find it very rewarding to take care of them b/c they realize how incapacitated they are without that joint(s) and that makes the patients very grateful.
Of course I get my fair share of Med-Surg patients mixed in with the ortho patients. That keeps it interesting. For example, I had a patient who was on the floor for over 20 days, history of dementia/alzheimers, so he was not completely oriented to where he was. He was the most stubborn person-he didn't want to be washed, didn't want to be cleaned after a BM, etc. When I would try to clean him he would try to punch me or scratch me with his 2inch long nails. Fortunately, I only suffered one light punch to the stomach, nothing serious!
One of my pet peves is trying to read the doctor's handwriting. I think I spend a total of 30-90 minutes of my day either trying to read the doctor's handwriting, asking someone else if they can read it, or calling/tracking the doctor down to clarify the order. That is very annoying. I've gotten to the point that when I see a doctor with one of my patient's charts, I will ask him what he is writing for, just to save myself some time!
Overall, it is very rewarding to see myself conquering challenges and troubleshooting problems. I truly believe that the hardest part about being a nurse is learning how to work in the hospital and understanding the way things work. IV fluids are IV fluids no matter where you go, but the process of getting your patient to the MRI lab is different any where you go and it can get very confusing.
I leave you with one small story that I treasure. Two weeks ago I got report on a lady with a left total knee replacement. By the time she got to the floor my shift was ending (of course, everybody loves to send patients at change of shift!) so all that I could do was make her comfortable in her room and make sure all her lines and equipment were running. She was the sweetest little old lady, sooo super nice and kind. I ended up having her as a patient for the next 3 days till she was discharged, so I was with her through every step of her "knee replacement" journey. It was a pleasure to take care of her. Well, she kept saying how much she loved me and how great I was, both her and her daughter kept giving me rave reviews; they even told my manager. Her last day there she gave me the sweetest card, and it had a Wawa gift card for $20 inside -- I wanted to cry. When I went in the room to thank them the patient's daughter said, "You are a great nurse. You have your stuff together." I laughed in shock, and I thought "ME??" I was so surprised and amazed that all the hard work I do actually gets noticed. It is easy to go through a day and not have any of my patients say 'thank you' to me for what I do. I will never forget that patient with her left knee, or the hug & kiss she gave me as she left. Hmmm...maybe this is why I wanted to be a nurse.
I definitely have learned a lot. Mostly I have been on the orthopedic unit & I must confess that I really like ortho. I am kind of shocked at myself b/c I never would've thought I would like ortho, but I do. It is so amazing to see people with total knee or hip replacements get up and walk the first day after surgery. I find it very rewarding to take care of them b/c they realize how incapacitated they are without that joint(s) and that makes the patients very grateful.
Of course I get my fair share of Med-Surg patients mixed in with the ortho patients. That keeps it interesting. For example, I had a patient who was on the floor for over 20 days, history of dementia/alzheimers, so he was not completely oriented to where he was. He was the most stubborn person-he didn't want to be washed, didn't want to be cleaned after a BM, etc. When I would try to clean him he would try to punch me or scratch me with his 2inch long nails. Fortunately, I only suffered one light punch to the stomach, nothing serious!
One of my pet peves is trying to read the doctor's handwriting. I think I spend a total of 30-90 minutes of my day either trying to read the doctor's handwriting, asking someone else if they can read it, or calling/tracking the doctor down to clarify the order. That is very annoying. I've gotten to the point that when I see a doctor with one of my patient's charts, I will ask him what he is writing for, just to save myself some time!
Overall, it is very rewarding to see myself conquering challenges and troubleshooting problems. I truly believe that the hardest part about being a nurse is learning how to work in the hospital and understanding the way things work. IV fluids are IV fluids no matter where you go, but the process of getting your patient to the MRI lab is different any where you go and it can get very confusing.
I leave you with one small story that I treasure. Two weeks ago I got report on a lady with a left total knee replacement. By the time she got to the floor my shift was ending (of course, everybody loves to send patients at change of shift!) so all that I could do was make her comfortable in her room and make sure all her lines and equipment were running. She was the sweetest little old lady, sooo super nice and kind. I ended up having her as a patient for the next 3 days till she was discharged, so I was with her through every step of her "knee replacement" journey. It was a pleasure to take care of her. Well, she kept saying how much she loved me and how great I was, both her and her daughter kept giving me rave reviews; they even told my manager. Her last day there she gave me the sweetest card, and it had a Wawa gift card for $20 inside -- I wanted to cry. When I went in the room to thank them the patient's daughter said, "You are a great nurse. You have your stuff together." I laughed in shock, and I thought "ME??" I was so surprised and amazed that all the hard work I do actually gets noticed. It is easy to go through a day and not have any of my patients say 'thank you' to me for what I do. I will never forget that patient with her left knee, or the hug & kiss she gave me as she left. Hmmm...maybe this is why I wanted to be a nurse.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
On My Own
I started on my own last Monday, Sept. 29. I was VERY nervous, but with the help of some very nice nurses I made it through. By Wednesday I had 6 patients and was doing pretty well on my own.
I've learned to realize that the good days & the bad days come and go whether you are an experienced nurse or not.
In just one short week I have become so much more comfortable. I'm learning how to deal with new situations & that makes them not so scary. Like today, I had a patient who was post op day one for a right total knee replacement. Physical Therapy got her out of bed and she was sitting in a chair. Previously I had hung her last antibiotic then took down her fluids as ordered. Well, while she was sitting up in the chair she became diaphoretic and dizzy, almost passing out completely. Our amazing patient care tech came flying out of the room calling for the physical therapist and grabbing the DinaMap (our blood pressure machine). I ran back to the room with her to find the patient sweating profusely and her eyes kind of rolling, as if her head was spinning. Fortunately, another nurse came running as well. The tech, the other nurse & the pt got the patient back in bed and laid her flat, the nurse put on the O2 and got some fluids to start. (In the process the patient was saying "Where's my Jamie?" -- it was really sweet, I guess she knew I would take care of her) Eventually her blood pressure went back up and she was fine. Amazingly I stayed very calm & learned exactly what to do the next time this happens, which is very common. I loved it b/c I had the support I needed. My greatest fear has always been that people would not be willing to help.
It was a good day & I'm looking forward, finally, to tomorrow.
On a side note...this past Monday I saw students from my alma mater on another unit. They looked so sparkly and crisp in their school uniforms. I bet they would never imagine that the nurse down the hall from them was in their same shoes just 5 months ago!
I've learned to realize that the good days & the bad days come and go whether you are an experienced nurse or not.
In just one short week I have become so much more comfortable. I'm learning how to deal with new situations & that makes them not so scary. Like today, I had a patient who was post op day one for a right total knee replacement. Physical Therapy got her out of bed and she was sitting in a chair. Previously I had hung her last antibiotic then took down her fluids as ordered. Well, while she was sitting up in the chair she became diaphoretic and dizzy, almost passing out completely. Our amazing patient care tech came flying out of the room calling for the physical therapist and grabbing the DinaMap (our blood pressure machine). I ran back to the room with her to find the patient sweating profusely and her eyes kind of rolling, as if her head was spinning. Fortunately, another nurse came running as well. The tech, the other nurse & the pt got the patient back in bed and laid her flat, the nurse put on the O2 and got some fluids to start. (In the process the patient was saying "Where's my Jamie?" -- it was really sweet, I guess she knew I would take care of her) Eventually her blood pressure went back up and she was fine. Amazingly I stayed very calm & learned exactly what to do the next time this happens, which is very common. I loved it b/c I had the support I needed. My greatest fear has always been that people would not be willing to help.
It was a good day & I'm looking forward, finally, to tomorrow.
On a side note...this past Monday I saw students from my alma mater on another unit. They looked so sparkly and crisp in their school uniforms. I bet they would never imagine that the nurse down the hall from them was in their same shoes just 5 months ago!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Blurriness
Sometimes it is amazing to realize that you are living in a fog. A self-created semblance of reality. That is me. Fortunately, tonight I realized it, I put my fog lights on and made my way through the haze.
I've worked so hard to get where I'm at right now. College degree, new job, house, nice car, etc... I can easily see how people lose their love & purpose for living. I think I almost did. I had a heart to heart with my husband & after a rocky start of the conversation it eventually ended with a good understanding: we need to put back into each other, as a married couple.
It was quite a sacrifice for us while I was in school & he was working a job 2 hours from home. We didn't have "our" time together. It was mix and match of schedules and rushing here and there and homework and deadlines. We realized that we've had 3 pretty rocky years. We also admonished ourselves that we are still together.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we were 'iffy' when it comes to our marriage committment. Actually quite the opposite, but tonight we decided we didn't want to lose that 'loving feeling'. You know, that feeling when you are in your first years of marriage, that your partner can do no wrong & you'll still love him anyway?
We came to some decisions tonight. We are going to invest back into us. After all, jobs will come and go, stresses will always be there, the bad days pass just as quickly as the good, but it's who you spend those days with that matter most.
Huuhhh...big sigh of relief.
I've worked so hard to get where I'm at right now. College degree, new job, house, nice car, etc... I can easily see how people lose their love & purpose for living. I think I almost did. I had a heart to heart with my husband & after a rocky start of the conversation it eventually ended with a good understanding: we need to put back into each other, as a married couple.
It was quite a sacrifice for us while I was in school & he was working a job 2 hours from home. We didn't have "our" time together. It was mix and match of schedules and rushing here and there and homework and deadlines. We realized that we've had 3 pretty rocky years. We also admonished ourselves that we are still together.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we were 'iffy' when it comes to our marriage committment. Actually quite the opposite, but tonight we decided we didn't want to lose that 'loving feeling'. You know, that feeling when you are in your first years of marriage, that your partner can do no wrong & you'll still love him anyway?
We came to some decisions tonight. We are going to invest back into us. After all, jobs will come and go, stresses will always be there, the bad days pass just as quickly as the good, but it's who you spend those days with that matter most.
Huuhhh...big sigh of relief.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
The Latest...
I am long overdue for this post, so sorry. The update goes like this:
I am finished my orientation on the unit I've been blogging about & I am also with new preceptors. My last day on 2A was very nice, my preceptor bought me lunch and gave me flowers and a card. It was very sweet & she wrote "You will be a great nurse. Have confidence in yourself." I liked that!
I am now onto orthopedics, 2C. I've been orienting with a nurse who is retiring this week after 20 years. I'm trying not to be jealous. She is great, though. She lets me go and do things on my own & follows up appropriately. It is really building my confidence.
So far I have seen B/L Total Knee Replacements, Total Hip Replacement & Open Rotator Cuff Repair. I really like Ortho! It is quick pace, you get post-ops almost daily & they are discharged pretty quickly.
No complaints, just lots of learning!
I am finished my orientation on the unit I've been blogging about & I am also with new preceptors. My last day on 2A was very nice, my preceptor bought me lunch and gave me flowers and a card. It was very sweet & she wrote "You will be a great nurse. Have confidence in yourself." I liked that!
I am now onto orthopedics, 2C. I've been orienting with a nurse who is retiring this week after 20 years. I'm trying not to be jealous. She is great, though. She lets me go and do things on my own & follows up appropriately. It is really building my confidence.
So far I have seen B/L Total Knee Replacements, Total Hip Replacement & Open Rotator Cuff Repair. I really like Ortho! It is quick pace, you get post-ops almost daily & they are discharged pretty quickly.
No complaints, just lots of learning!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Mixed Review
The motto that I think I need to adapt to my life right now goes something like this..."Put on your big girl panties & be a NURSE!" That 'bout says it all. Why, why, why do I get so flustered when something new comes my way?! I think part of it is my preceptor...she possesses the deep desire to have all orders signed off & done 2 seconds after the doctor writes them. In the real world, I think I will have at least 10 minutes to look them over and ponder on the orders before obsessively carrying them out.
On a lighter note, I had the first glimpse of the effect I have on patients. We, our unit, received a bouquet of "Fruit Flowers" from a patient who was with us for about 30 days. There it was, this beautiful bouquet of fruit at the nurses station, with a note of thanks for the care we had given him. Wow. Someone noticed our work & thanked us. That was really sweet & gave me a lot of perspective into my job. I am caring for some one's loved one...that is really special.
The clock is ticking down to that pivotal day...the first day off orientation with 5 patients under my care...I'm trying not to panic. Rather, I am hoping to equip myself with everything I can to to be able to survive that first day. I will try to look at it as an empowering day!
On a lighter note, I had the first glimpse of the effect I have on patients. We, our unit, received a bouquet of "Fruit Flowers" from a patient who was with us for about 30 days. There it was, this beautiful bouquet of fruit at the nurses station, with a note of thanks for the care we had given him. Wow. Someone noticed our work & thanked us. That was really sweet & gave me a lot of perspective into my job. I am caring for some one's loved one...that is really special.
The clock is ticking down to that pivotal day...the first day off orientation with 5 patients under my care...I'm trying not to panic. Rather, I am hoping to equip myself with everything I can to to be able to survive that first day. I will try to look at it as an empowering day!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Yes, It Gets Better
Finally, at last, I feel like I might be able to do this. Wednesday was the DAY. You know, the day that either makes you or breaks you. Here's the set up...
It's 0745: Doctor A is spouting orders in my ear b/c a patient who was scheduled for surgery is now in A-fib b/c he has not been getting his Plavix. No surprise there, except the Doctor wants the patient transferred to telemetry, NOW.
It's 0746: Doctor B is wondering where the nurse is for a patient b/c he is ready to do an arthrocentesis and needs a witness for the Time Out.
It's 0747: Doctor C is writing orders for a patient to get a CT of the abdomen & pelvis with contrast, orders a D-dimer now, orders 2 IV antibiotics, and if the D-dimer is + then a CT of the chest.
Meanwhile, 2 other patients are waiting for their meds, urinals are full, beds are a mess, and of course they are in pain. Oh did I mention there was a patient right in front of the nurse's station who has dementia and is yelling, "Yo Lady...Boss Lady...Nurse, NUrse, NURSE!"
I was overwhelmed, even my preceptor was a little stressed. Through all of the stress, something got to me, I got mad & I got motivated. My attitude was, "You tell me what you need and I'll get it." I was calling doctors, taking verbals, signing orders off, telling Mr. Dementia that he can't get out of bed on his own...you name it I was ready. I got my inner fighter back, at last.
This morning I was actually able to eat breakfast, not much of a breakfast, a nectarine, but better than nothing. I even drank 2 cups of coffee. Doesn't sound like much, but lately my nerves have been shot, and what goes in goes out pretty quickly. Maybe TMI, but those of you who have been under a lot of stress can relate. So nourishment at this point is a good thing.
Today I had my progress meeting & it went well. I voiced my concerns, frustrations, and feeling like I wanted to quit just a couple days ago. They reassured me that I am normal & doing great, even better than expected. Even my preceptor had compliments.
I couldn't ask for more. Today was a good day, so I'm going to enjoy every minute. I'm going to keep working hard, and doing my best, knowing that the good & the bad days come and go. I have to say, it's a great feeling to realize that you just might be able to achieve your dreams.
P.S.
Thank you to everyone who reads my blogs, and thanks to those of you who have commented. I am so glad that you believe in me & can relate in some way. We will all get through this together!
It's 0745: Doctor A is spouting orders in my ear b/c a patient who was scheduled for surgery is now in A-fib b/c he has not been getting his Plavix. No surprise there, except the Doctor wants the patient transferred to telemetry, NOW.
It's 0746: Doctor B is wondering where the nurse is for a patient b/c he is ready to do an arthrocentesis and needs a witness for the Time Out.
It's 0747: Doctor C is writing orders for a patient to get a CT of the abdomen & pelvis with contrast, orders a D-dimer now, orders 2 IV antibiotics, and if the D-dimer is + then a CT of the chest.
Meanwhile, 2 other patients are waiting for their meds, urinals are full, beds are a mess, and of course they are in pain. Oh did I mention there was a patient right in front of the nurse's station who has dementia and is yelling, "Yo Lady...Boss Lady...Nurse, NUrse, NURSE!"
I was overwhelmed, even my preceptor was a little stressed. Through all of the stress, something got to me, I got mad & I got motivated. My attitude was, "You tell me what you need and I'll get it." I was calling doctors, taking verbals, signing orders off, telling Mr. Dementia that he can't get out of bed on his own...you name it I was ready. I got my inner fighter back, at last.
This morning I was actually able to eat breakfast, not much of a breakfast, a nectarine, but better than nothing. I even drank 2 cups of coffee. Doesn't sound like much, but lately my nerves have been shot, and what goes in goes out pretty quickly. Maybe TMI, but those of you who have been under a lot of stress can relate. So nourishment at this point is a good thing.
Today I had my progress meeting & it went well. I voiced my concerns, frustrations, and feeling like I wanted to quit just a couple days ago. They reassured me that I am normal & doing great, even better than expected. Even my preceptor had compliments.
I couldn't ask for more. Today was a good day, so I'm going to enjoy every minute. I'm going to keep working hard, and doing my best, knowing that the good & the bad days come and go. I have to say, it's a great feeling to realize that you just might be able to achieve your dreams.
P.S.
Thank you to everyone who reads my blogs, and thanks to those of you who have commented. I am so glad that you believe in me & can relate in some way. We will all get through this together!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Does It Get Better?
Today was rough. I just felt completely un-nerved all day, I don't really know why. Ok, the update...
I am taking 3 patients this week. My preceptor is supporting me with some of their care, but mostly I am trying to field all the details. I have gotten all 25 venipuncture sticks, all 5 EKGs, and 3 of 5 hep-locks. My progress meeting with my preceptor and educator was yesterday. The overall thoughts were that I am doing good. I've seen a lot, hung heparin, hung blood, changed a colostomy, admitted & discharged patients, taken verbal orders, etc.
All of that is good stuff that I have done, however those "things" don't translate into confidence on the inside for me. Today, with my 3 patient load I felt overwhelmed & fought back the urge to cry all day. I just get nervous pulling the meds & I feel like I have to concentrate so much to make sure I am getting the right meds and administering them correctly. I know in time I will start to feel more comfortable, like after I've pulled up morphine IV 50 times. But for now I still have to concentrate, and I guess that is a good thing.
Today I took a verbal order for a low potassium. I handled it quite well & felt comfortable talking with the doctor. That is progress & I have to give myself credit for that. Ok, deep breath & pat on the back.
I also actually had to be an advocate for a patient today. The patient wasn't getting any answers regarding his procedure, he was frustrated & was getting anxious. In spite of looking stupid in front of the surgeons, I got the results the patient needed. While we were in the patient's room, he said to the surgeon, "This one here is a great nurse (pointing towards me). She has been really great to me all day. She is just wonderful. I couldn't ask for anyone better." Yeah, that is when the tears wanted to gush. After, the surgeon was cleaning up and not looking, he mouthed the words, "Thank You." That said it all. The stupid humiliation I endured was worth making this patient comfortable & getting him the care he needed. I was his advocate, I fought for what he needed.
When I look back on it, the whole situation "felt" more humiliating than it really was. And it wasn't actually that big of a deal. It's just because I'm new & I don't know how things work that I feel so inept.
The day was long & tiring and I promptly burst into tears the moment I got in my car and knew I was safe. I find myself wondering, "Is this really what I want to do, now that I see what it is all about?" The other new nurses who were hired with me are thinking the same thing. We didn't really know what were were getting into, but now that we are in it we are a little shocked. I don't know what to think of it all. I try to look at the facts, that my preceptor & educator are saying to me that I am doing good & I am where I should be at this point in my orientation. But let me tell you, if confidence/guts/balls/backbones/assertiveness were something you could buy - I would pay any price just to have it. No lie.
Tomorrow I go to the cath lab & then rotate with PT/OT for the afternoon. I'm grateful for the break from the floor.
I am taking 3 patients this week. My preceptor is supporting me with some of their care, but mostly I am trying to field all the details. I have gotten all 25 venipuncture sticks, all 5 EKGs, and 3 of 5 hep-locks. My progress meeting with my preceptor and educator was yesterday. The overall thoughts were that I am doing good. I've seen a lot, hung heparin, hung blood, changed a colostomy, admitted & discharged patients, taken verbal orders, etc.
All of that is good stuff that I have done, however those "things" don't translate into confidence on the inside for me. Today, with my 3 patient load I felt overwhelmed & fought back the urge to cry all day. I just get nervous pulling the meds & I feel like I have to concentrate so much to make sure I am getting the right meds and administering them correctly. I know in time I will start to feel more comfortable, like after I've pulled up morphine IV 50 times. But for now I still have to concentrate, and I guess that is a good thing.
Today I took a verbal order for a low potassium. I handled it quite well & felt comfortable talking with the doctor. That is progress & I have to give myself credit for that. Ok, deep breath & pat on the back.
I also actually had to be an advocate for a patient today. The patient wasn't getting any answers regarding his procedure, he was frustrated & was getting anxious. In spite of looking stupid in front of the surgeons, I got the results the patient needed. While we were in the patient's room, he said to the surgeon, "This one here is a great nurse (pointing towards me). She has been really great to me all day. She is just wonderful. I couldn't ask for anyone better." Yeah, that is when the tears wanted to gush. After, the surgeon was cleaning up and not looking, he mouthed the words, "Thank You." That said it all. The stupid humiliation I endured was worth making this patient comfortable & getting him the care he needed. I was his advocate, I fought for what he needed.
When I look back on it, the whole situation "felt" more humiliating than it really was. And it wasn't actually that big of a deal. It's just because I'm new & I don't know how things work that I feel so inept.
The day was long & tiring and I promptly burst into tears the moment I got in my car and knew I was safe. I find myself wondering, "Is this really what I want to do, now that I see what it is all about?" The other new nurses who were hired with me are thinking the same thing. We didn't really know what were were getting into, but now that we are in it we are a little shocked. I don't know what to think of it all. I try to look at the facts, that my preceptor & educator are saying to me that I am doing good & I am where I should be at this point in my orientation. But let me tell you, if confidence/guts/balls/backbones/assertiveness were something you could buy - I would pay any price just to have it. No lie.
Tomorrow I go to the cath lab & then rotate with PT/OT for the afternoon. I'm grateful for the break from the floor.
Monday, August 4, 2008
In Hand!
I got my license today! It's very plain and not exciting at all, but it has my name on it & that's most important.
Work is going good. Today I shadowed a nursing assistant so that I could get all of my venipunctures. I did pretty good 7 successful out of 7attempts; I just need 18 more! I also got 3 EKG's done and only need 2 more. These are just 2 things of many that I need to have completed in order to "graduate" from orientation. It was a good day :)
It started at 3:30am with the alarm & work started at 6am, so naturally I am pretty pooped. Tomorrow I am back on my regular floor with my preceptor & I start with 2 patients this week.
Stay tuned! I'm hoping for another good week :)
Work is going good. Today I shadowed a nursing assistant so that I could get all of my venipunctures. I did pretty good 7 successful out of 7attempts; I just need 18 more! I also got 3 EKG's done and only need 2 more. These are just 2 things of many that I need to have completed in order to "graduate" from orientation. It was a good day :)
It started at 3:30am with the alarm & work started at 6am, so naturally I am pretty pooped. Tomorrow I am back on my regular floor with my preceptor & I start with 2 patients this week.
Stay tuned! I'm hoping for another good week :)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Getting Back to Good
I realized that yesterday was very negative. So here is a positive one for you.
I am getting much more comfortable with the IV meds and the IV pump in general. That makes me very happy.
I am getting better at taking verbal orders, faxing them to pharmacy & transcribing them onto the med kardex. Lots of lingo, but the gist is I am getting the administrative process more each day.
I have admitted 3 people so far, including their computer history, meds, allergies, height & weight, vaccine status, shift assessment, focus assessment & IV assessment. I know how to do all of that, I am pretty amazed with myself.
There is a lot to learn still, but I do see progress. I think I am going in the right direction :) I will start with 2 patients next week. That should be fun! Things I want to work on, being more assertive in trying to get my venipuncture sticks & hep-lock sticks. I just need to say, "Hey, let me try to get that person's blood." I've realized though, that I hate to give needles. I hope that in time I will get used to it...
All in all things are looking good. My preceptor & educator are pleased. I wish I was further along, but like I told my husband, I am an over-achiever - I won't be happy with anything less than the best. I will just have to be patient with myself!!
I am getting much more comfortable with the IV meds and the IV pump in general. That makes me very happy.
I am getting better at taking verbal orders, faxing them to pharmacy & transcribing them onto the med kardex. Lots of lingo, but the gist is I am getting the administrative process more each day.
I have admitted 3 people so far, including their computer history, meds, allergies, height & weight, vaccine status, shift assessment, focus assessment & IV assessment. I know how to do all of that, I am pretty amazed with myself.
There is a lot to learn still, but I do see progress. I think I am going in the right direction :) I will start with 2 patients next week. That should be fun! Things I want to work on, being more assertive in trying to get my venipuncture sticks & hep-lock sticks. I just need to say, "Hey, let me try to get that person's blood." I've realized though, that I hate to give needles. I hope that in time I will get used to it...
All in all things are looking good. My preceptor & educator are pleased. I wish I was further along, but like I told my husband, I am an over-achiever - I won't be happy with anything less than the best. I will just have to be patient with myself!!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
So, this is the stuff that dreams are made of?
I always thought that once I had my RN I would look/feel different. I don't. I just feel more responsiblity b/c now there is a penalty for any mistake I make. Removal of my RN. Interesting...
On Monday I started with my first patient. Just one. Slightly overwhelming. Today I was going to have to call the doctor to get verbal orders regarding an elevated blood glucose. My preceptor said, "Page Dr. X, and let him know what's happening." Then she walked away. WTF?! I was a little nervous about talking to the doctor & taking a verbal order on my own. My mental conversation was saying, "God Jamie, grow some effing balls." I asked another nurse about paging Dr. X, and she told me how to do it. So I did. No call back. Meanwhile, my anxiety is growing. So I decided that the best way to deal with this was to tell my preceptor that I was a little nervous. I told her and she gave me the stupid look. You know the look, like when you ask the waitress for more lemons for your water... I ended up feeling stupid. It all worked out though. The doctor happened to come along in 20 mins or so and we were able to take a verbal order face to face. Just seeing what the doctor looked like made me feel better. A completely nice guy who puts his pants on the same way the rest of us. He is just human...duh. I thank some wonderful people in the past for making authority figures such fearful icons.
So my new RN position is not without its fair share of mishaps. Here are two... I pushed Dilaudid into an IV then flushed slow. But obviously not slow enough & gave the patient a major head rush. woops. Hope you enjoyed the ride?
Next, I got an order on my patient to discontinue the IV fluids. Somewhere from the chart to my brain the order changed to discontinue the IV access. So I went in and took down the IV bag but also pulled out his heplock. So he had no IV access. I can't tell you how many times I've heard in school that you never pull out the IV access till they are walking out of the hospital, just in case you need to give something IV. Another woops. But that patient's heplock was due to expire the next day anyway.
Yes, I beat myself up ALL night about these 2 imperfections. Yes, I hate that about myself... Fortunately my preceptor did not even mention a thing about it today. But don't you know that I learned from it all. So today when I pushed morphine IV for a patient who needed it religiously q 3 hours, I did it right & no head rush occured. :)
Okay, I will cut myself some slack. But whoever said that nursing school was the hardest part was a freaking liar. This job is hard. There, I said it. And many times through out the day I find myself wanting to cry and run for my life. Some how I manage to hold it together and I think there in lies my growth. I am growing & stretching. I need to learn to embrace that.
On Monday I started with my first patient. Just one. Slightly overwhelming. Today I was going to have to call the doctor to get verbal orders regarding an elevated blood glucose. My preceptor said, "Page Dr. X, and let him know what's happening." Then she walked away. WTF?! I was a little nervous about talking to the doctor & taking a verbal order on my own. My mental conversation was saying, "God Jamie, grow some effing balls." I asked another nurse about paging Dr. X, and she told me how to do it. So I did. No call back. Meanwhile, my anxiety is growing. So I decided that the best way to deal with this was to tell my preceptor that I was a little nervous. I told her and she gave me the stupid look. You know the look, like when you ask the waitress for more lemons for your water... I ended up feeling stupid. It all worked out though. The doctor happened to come along in 20 mins or so and we were able to take a verbal order face to face. Just seeing what the doctor looked like made me feel better. A completely nice guy who puts his pants on the same way the rest of us. He is just human...duh. I thank some wonderful people in the past for making authority figures such fearful icons.
So my new RN position is not without its fair share of mishaps. Here are two... I pushed Dilaudid into an IV then flushed slow. But obviously not slow enough & gave the patient a major head rush. woops. Hope you enjoyed the ride?
Next, I got an order on my patient to discontinue the IV fluids. Somewhere from the chart to my brain the order changed to discontinue the IV access. So I went in and took down the IV bag but also pulled out his heplock. So he had no IV access. I can't tell you how many times I've heard in school that you never pull out the IV access till they are walking out of the hospital, just in case you need to give something IV. Another woops. But that patient's heplock was due to expire the next day anyway.
Yes, I beat myself up ALL night about these 2 imperfections. Yes, I hate that about myself... Fortunately my preceptor did not even mention a thing about it today. But don't you know that I learned from it all. So today when I pushed morphine IV for a patient who needed it religiously q 3 hours, I did it right & no head rush occured. :)
Okay, I will cut myself some slack. But whoever said that nursing school was the hardest part was a freaking liar. This job is hard. There, I said it. And many times through out the day I find myself wanting to cry and run for my life. Some how I manage to hold it together and I think there in lies my growth. I am growing & stretching. I need to learn to embrace that.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
I PASSED!!
Today at 11:22am I found out. I was shaking when the computer said in red letters "Your results are available. $7.95 payable by credit card"
I was shaking as I typed in my Visa # - I could hardly breathe. My heart was pounding, much like when I was taking the test!
But then there it was...
Grade: pass
What a feeling...like I said before, there are NO words to describe how I feel.
Jamie M Durham, RN
I was shaking as I typed in my Visa # - I could hardly breathe. My heart was pounding, much like when I was taking the test!
But then there it was...
Grade: pass
What a feeling...like I said before, there are NO words to describe how I feel.
Jamie M Durham, RN
Friday, July 25, 2008
There Are No Words
I have nothing to say about the NCLEX exam I just took.
I will say that my heart never pounded so hard. I wanted to cry everytime someone spoke to me-I still want to cry. I have a pounding headache. The earplugs were great.
I hope I never have to go through that again.
Oh, and it takes 48 business hours to get your results. The tortue continues. But at least for now I can go out for a drink & try to enjoy the weekend.
I will say that my heart never pounded so hard. I wanted to cry everytime someone spoke to me-I still want to cry. I have a pounding headache. The earplugs were great.
I hope I never have to go through that again.
Oh, and it takes 48 business hours to get your results. The tortue continues. But at least for now I can go out for a drink & try to enjoy the weekend.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
My Baby Elephant
I was thinking tonight about how important July 25th is for me. It is the culmination of 3 years of relentless studying, hard work, saying 'no' to partying, getting up at 4am on the weekends, being at the bottom of the medical food chain (ie, student), did I mention not being able to party?! I could go on and on, much like the past 3 years have but I won't torture the poor souls who actually read this.
To the point, it takes 2 years for a baby elephant to be born. It has taken me 2 years of hard core nursing classes to become a GN. I thought it was interesting that a mommy elephant and I have something in common. Hopefully by Friday I will have earned my RN, my little elephant.
To the point, it takes 2 years for a baby elephant to be born. It has taken me 2 years of hard core nursing classes to become a GN. I thought it was interesting that a mommy elephant and I have something in common. Hopefully by Friday I will have earned my RN, my little elephant.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
This is it!
Okay, 3 days till the big day...I just want it to be OVER! So far everyone from my class has passed (minus the one I mentioned a few posts ago). That is all good news :)
I just have one day on the floor this week. Yesterday & today we were in the GN classroom all day...yep, my bum is sore again!
I have off Thursday. I am hoping to squeeze in any review of lab values and those darn electrolyte imbalances. Then Friday at 8 am I will be taking the test - light a candle, cross your fingers, wish on a star, wear your lucky t-shirts for me!!
Okay, off to study DRUGS!
I just have one day on the floor this week. Yesterday & today we were in the GN classroom all day...yep, my bum is sore again!
I have off Thursday. I am hoping to squeeze in any review of lab values and those darn electrolyte imbalances. Then Friday at 8 am I will be taking the test - light a candle, cross your fingers, wish on a star, wear your lucky t-shirts for me!!
Okay, off to study DRUGS!
Friday, July 18, 2008
mmm...I Love Kick Ass Dreams
I awoke this morning with a triumphant smile on my face. Here's why...
Several years ago I worked for a family that was very annoying. First time parents, very over protective & the mom (Mrs. X) was a nurse, not to mention a real bitch. Her way or the highway kind of person. Back then I was a very timid person & didn't stand up to her but rather let her walk all over me and speak to me in a very condescending way. (I have to let you know that I have changed a lot since then). Well in the dream my husband and I showed up at a neighborhood party that they lived in, I don't know why. Mrs. X ignored me, her husband gave me a big hug & we chatted. Mrs. X was being her snobby self and didn't acknowledge me till she was about to leave. She asked me what I was doing these days & I told her I was a Med-Surg nurse on a floor in the hospital. Her response was surprised & she raised her eyebrows nearly to her hairline. I asked her what she was doing. She said that for the last 7 years she has been at her pharmaceutical job. I said "Oh." I had asked her how long she worked on the floor before she went into the corporate world, she said 2 years. (Inside I am laughing, ha, ha! She couldn't handle it!) So I asked if she keeps her clinical skills current and she said, "No." At that time she had been leaning her chair back on its two back legs and just then it slipped and she slammed her head back into the floor. She got up flustered and embarassed and stormed out of the house with her husband in tow.
Ha, ha, ha! (Evil, wicked witch laughing!!)
I know it's goofy. I'm sure some dream interpreter would say I have issues & I know I do. The very thought of this woman causes my stomach to tighten. So it felt good to think that one day I could give her a run for her money.
At the very least it inspires me to conjure up my courage to not be a doormat. I'm over that. Way over that.
Several years ago I worked for a family that was very annoying. First time parents, very over protective & the mom (Mrs. X) was a nurse, not to mention a real bitch. Her way or the highway kind of person. Back then I was a very timid person & didn't stand up to her but rather let her walk all over me and speak to me in a very condescending way. (I have to let you know that I have changed a lot since then). Well in the dream my husband and I showed up at a neighborhood party that they lived in, I don't know why. Mrs. X ignored me, her husband gave me a big hug & we chatted. Mrs. X was being her snobby self and didn't acknowledge me till she was about to leave. She asked me what I was doing these days & I told her I was a Med-Surg nurse on a floor in the hospital. Her response was surprised & she raised her eyebrows nearly to her hairline. I asked her what she was doing. She said that for the last 7 years she has been at her pharmaceutical job. I said "Oh." I had asked her how long she worked on the floor before she went into the corporate world, she said 2 years. (Inside I am laughing, ha, ha! She couldn't handle it!) So I asked if she keeps her clinical skills current and she said, "No." At that time she had been leaning her chair back on its two back legs and just then it slipped and she slammed her head back into the floor. She got up flustered and embarassed and stormed out of the house with her husband in tow.
Ha, ha, ha! (Evil, wicked witch laughing!!)
I know it's goofy. I'm sure some dream interpreter would say I have issues & I know I do. The very thought of this woman causes my stomach to tighten. So it felt good to think that one day I could give her a run for her money.
At the very least it inspires me to conjure up my courage to not be a doormat. I'm over that. Way over that.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The Good & The Bad
I know I was told there would be days like these. What kind of days? The days where you can hardly keep the tears in your eyes until you make it to the car when you are walking out from a long day.
Today was the day I wanted to give up on myself & my dreams. Yep, I was willing to admit to everyone who wants me to fail that I just can't do it. Let them think they got the better of me, you 'nay-sayers' know who you are.
But of course, as fate would have it, a best friend came to my rescue. Out of nowhere she called just to say hi & there she was on the phone and a shoulder to cry on. What do I have if I don't have my friends, the people who believe in me unconditionally? And as much as my wonderful husband loves me, he just doesn't understand the way a friend does.
So what is driving me so crazy?! The PAPERWORK!! There is so much, wtf?! I mean, give me a freakin break, honestly! Today we sat in a computer lab in the am to learn all about what the patient care secretary does. Then we sat with a secretary in the afternoon. I don't have a problem understanding how to do things so much, it's when things are done wrong or don't go as they should that my brain can't quite compute what is happening. All I can say is, whatever...I will get it eventually.
The title of this post was the good & bad and you are probably wondering where the good is?? Me too, LOL! I met my preceptor on Wednesday. She IS the energizer bunny. I have never seen anyone move so fast & do so much & be actually good at it. She has 10 years of nursing under her belt. (Please, someone who is reading this, set a reminder on your calendar to call me in 10 years and ask me if I am like her! I hope that I will be!!)
Anyway, she knows a lot about how things are supposed to work and what has to be done. And she actually makes it look easy. She doesn't hover & she lets me do things. Tomorrow I am with her again on the floor.
The outcome of my talk with my friend resulted in me gaining a new motto. It's kind of lengthy but I like it & it puts me in the right mindset. Here goes:
"I am a kind & caring nurse, and I wear Teflon scrubs."
The Teflon scrubs is something I picked up from a nurse who is also an instructor for another college and she said she always used to tell her students to put on their Teflon scrubs and let it all bounce off their back. I like that. Because there are some people out there who aren't very nice. Not nice at all, but I refuse to be that kind of person.
Off to study for the you know whats. 2 more people from my college passed...it's looking good people, very good. :D
Today was the day I wanted to give up on myself & my dreams. Yep, I was willing to admit to everyone who wants me to fail that I just can't do it. Let them think they got the better of me, you 'nay-sayers' know who you are.
But of course, as fate would have it, a best friend came to my rescue. Out of nowhere she called just to say hi & there she was on the phone and a shoulder to cry on. What do I have if I don't have my friends, the people who believe in me unconditionally? And as much as my wonderful husband loves me, he just doesn't understand the way a friend does.
So what is driving me so crazy?! The PAPERWORK!! There is so much, wtf?! I mean, give me a freakin break, honestly! Today we sat in a computer lab in the am to learn all about what the patient care secretary does. Then we sat with a secretary in the afternoon. I don't have a problem understanding how to do things so much, it's when things are done wrong or don't go as they should that my brain can't quite compute what is happening. All I can say is, whatever...I will get it eventually.
The title of this post was the good & bad and you are probably wondering where the good is?? Me too, LOL! I met my preceptor on Wednesday. She IS the energizer bunny. I have never seen anyone move so fast & do so much & be actually good at it. She has 10 years of nursing under her belt. (Please, someone who is reading this, set a reminder on your calendar to call me in 10 years and ask me if I am like her! I hope that I will be!!)
Anyway, she knows a lot about how things are supposed to work and what has to be done. And she actually makes it look easy. She doesn't hover & she lets me do things. Tomorrow I am with her again on the floor.
The outcome of my talk with my friend resulted in me gaining a new motto. It's kind of lengthy but I like it & it puts me in the right mindset. Here goes:
"I am a kind & caring nurse, and I wear Teflon scrubs."
The Teflon scrubs is something I picked up from a nurse who is also an instructor for another college and she said she always used to tell her students to put on their Teflon scrubs and let it all bounce off their back. I like that. Because there are some people out there who aren't very nice. Not nice at all, but I refuse to be that kind of person.
Off to study for the you know whats. 2 more people from my college passed...it's looking good people, very good. :D
Sunday, July 13, 2008
On the Floor
Tomorrow is the first day I am scheduled on a unit. We aren't supposed to have any patients. Apparently we have a scavenger hunt to do & we are supposed to familiarize ourselves with the floor. I am nervous... All I keep thinking about is Code 99 (medical emergency) & what that means when I am the coding patient's primary nurse... I guess I am jumping ahead of myself.
I won't get to meet my preceptor until Wednesday, so I guess tomorrow I have a substitute. I always told myself that this next year was going to be the hardest year I have ever lived through. As I embark, I have to say, I am scared to death! But if it is anything like the roller coaster that I've heard it to be, there will be ups & downs, good & bad, and in the end I hope I will surprise myself.
I won't get to meet my preceptor until Wednesday, so I guess tomorrow I have a substitute. I always told myself that this next year was going to be the hardest year I have ever lived through. As I embark, I have to say, I am scared to death! But if it is anything like the roller coaster that I've heard it to be, there will be ups & downs, good & bad, and in the end I hope I will surprise myself.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Lovin It!
I'm in my 2nd day of orientation at the hospital & so far it's great! First day was all about hospital orientation. Today was the first day of GN orientation. Both days have been all sitting in a conference room with a very large binder in front of me with lots of information being given by various people. So my bum is sore & my brain is overwhelmed with info!
Call me weird, but today I was captivated. I listened intently all day & honestly I was not bored. I don't know how that is possible. I felt like all the burning questions I had as a student were being answered & that felt really good. Only because I am the type of person who likes to know everything about getting from point A to point B. So as a student, filling out the menu with the patient bothered me b/c I didn't know how to answer their questions and I certainly didn't know where to put the darn thing when we were done, or what time the meals came, etc. Now I know all of those little details that make the floor RNs seem so incredibly smart. Their secret has been spoiled - all they did was go to GN orientation! Duh!
The excitement of the day is talking about NCLEX. So far one girl has taken it and failed. She sat for 6 hours & got 230 questions! I feel badly for her but she is in good spirits. Everyone is buzzing about when they are scheduled to take it; a few next week and a few around the end of July with me. Then we are hearing about others in our class from school who have or are taking it and all those little details. (We all kind of know each other b/c they hired all of their GNs from my school. Hopefully that is a sign of what a good education we received at the community college!!)
So, all in all I have been able to breathe a little easier knowing now what they expect from us GNs. To top it off, I really love the philosophy of the hospital & I feel proud to say that I work there. Of course you probably want to know which hospital it is, but I can't tell you everything!
Call me weird, but today I was captivated. I listened intently all day & honestly I was not bored. I don't know how that is possible. I felt like all the burning questions I had as a student were being answered & that felt really good. Only because I am the type of person who likes to know everything about getting from point A to point B. So as a student, filling out the menu with the patient bothered me b/c I didn't know how to answer their questions and I certainly didn't know where to put the darn thing when we were done, or what time the meals came, etc. Now I know all of those little details that make the floor RNs seem so incredibly smart. Their secret has been spoiled - all they did was go to GN orientation! Duh!
The excitement of the day is talking about NCLEX. So far one girl has taken it and failed. She sat for 6 hours & got 230 questions! I feel badly for her but she is in good spirits. Everyone is buzzing about when they are scheduled to take it; a few next week and a few around the end of July with me. Then we are hearing about others in our class from school who have or are taking it and all those little details. (We all kind of know each other b/c they hired all of their GNs from my school. Hopefully that is a sign of what a good education we received at the community college!!)
So, all in all I have been able to breathe a little easier knowing now what they expect from us GNs. To top it off, I really love the philosophy of the hospital & I feel proud to say that I work there. Of course you probably want to know which hospital it is, but I can't tell you everything!
Monday, July 7, 2008
Um, Yay?
I picked up my "Associate Degree in Applied Science for Nursing" diploma from the community college today. Normally I'm sure this a great moment for some people. For me it was just a piece of paper. I blame my indifference on the NCLEX. All my education means absolutely nothing with out the licensing fairies from the Pennsylvania State Board of Nursing granting me a nursing license.
You wanna see excitement? Wait till I get the results of the NCLEX, whether by phone or mail (god help the operator on the other end of the phone). Because come July 27th or so and you hear a loud shriek throughout the United States, and everyone is wondering what was that?? YOU will know because it will be ME screaming as loud as I can. No words, just screaming. Words will not be able to describe my relief.
You wanna see excitement? Wait till I get the results of the NCLEX, whether by phone or mail (god help the operator on the other end of the phone). Because come July 27th or so and you hear a loud shriek throughout the United States, and everyone is wondering what was that?? YOU will know because it will be ME screaming as loud as I can. No words, just screaming. Words will not be able to describe my relief.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Back from Vacation
We had a great trip! Mostly we did a lot of lounging, mainly due to the fact that we ate a huge seafood meal our first night & got sick from it. In my wise nurse opinion I think it was salmonella. There was lots of N/V/D - but I was careful to make sure we drank a lot of fluids to avoid dehydration. At one point my husband said, "Should we go to the hospital?" I tried not to be offended that he didn't trust my medical care (he never does). I assured him that there was nothing they were going to do but stick an IV of NS or D5W in us and take stool & blood samples to determine what it was & that there would be a lot of doing nothing. I told him as long as he can keep fluids in his tummy just keep drinking gatorade!
All in all we survived. We actually lost weight while we were away. Which I think is pretty much unheard of!! I'll take it though since I haven't been hitting the gym as much as I've been hitting the books.
So, here I am. Back on the computer & back to studying. Oh, I forgot to share good news...My last night at Kaplan was a review of the readiness test that we took at the end. I scored a 69% (lower then my diagnostic test, go figure??) and according to Kaplan I have a 98.3% chance of passing the NCLEX on my first try. Those are some pretty good odds!! My biggest topics to tackle is the darn endocrine system - I can't remember anything....
All in all we survived. We actually lost weight while we were away. Which I think is pretty much unheard of!! I'll take it though since I haven't been hitting the gym as much as I've been hitting the books.
So, here I am. Back on the computer & back to studying. Oh, I forgot to share good news...My last night at Kaplan was a review of the readiness test that we took at the end. I scored a 69% (lower then my diagnostic test, go figure??) and according to Kaplan I have a 98.3% chance of passing the NCLEX on my first try. Those are some pretty good odds!! My biggest topics to tackle is the darn endocrine system - I can't remember anything....
Friday, June 27, 2008
Bittersweet Moments
Today marks the last full day with the kids I nanny. Last night they had a cake and cards and a picture collage of them from the past 8 years. I was crying from the moment they came out with the cake and cards. I couldn't control myself, another pathetic moment by me & my tears. Yeah, I guess you could say I'm attached! After we ate the cake and looked at the pictures we reminisced about all the good times. They want me to come over after my first day on the job and tell them all about it. Totally sweet! We decided that I would still take care of the boys in the fall after school for half of the week. That way I will still be able to see them and stuff. I love that idea & hope it will work. Even still, it felt bittersweet to say goodbye.
When I got home I had to literally repeat to myself "I'm making the right decision" over and over and over. I don't know if I can be a nurse. I don't know if I can handle all the stress and challenges & still not kill anyone. I am at that moment when your parent lets go of the seat of your bike w/out the training wheels for the first time. You have that split second where you realize no one is holding you. It's all up to you. The pavement flashes in front of your face & you wonder how bad it will hurt if you fall. That is where I am; wobbling along with my 2 wheels, swerving back and forth, fighting for balance.
Honestly, I don't even have the courage to console myself that one day I will be racing along riding with my hands in the air with perfect balance. I hope that will be me, but for now, I'm gripping the handlebars with a death grip. Deep down, I can feel the fight in me rising, though, and that comforts me. I've felt this before, when fear grabs hold of me so tight I feel like I'm suffocating, that is when the fighter rises up & then no one can hold me down.
I'll end this emotional post with a quote that I've enjoyed lately.
"The reward of a thing well done is to have done it." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I got home I had to literally repeat to myself "I'm making the right decision" over and over and over. I don't know if I can be a nurse. I don't know if I can handle all the stress and challenges & still not kill anyone. I am at that moment when your parent lets go of the seat of your bike w/out the training wheels for the first time. You have that split second where you realize no one is holding you. It's all up to you. The pavement flashes in front of your face & you wonder how bad it will hurt if you fall. That is where I am; wobbling along with my 2 wheels, swerving back and forth, fighting for balance.
Honestly, I don't even have the courage to console myself that one day I will be racing along riding with my hands in the air with perfect balance. I hope that will be me, but for now, I'm gripping the handlebars with a death grip. Deep down, I can feel the fight in me rising, though, and that comforts me. I've felt this before, when fear grabs hold of me so tight I feel like I'm suffocating, that is when the fighter rises up & then no one can hold me down.
I'll end this emotional post with a quote that I've enjoyed lately.
"The reward of a thing well done is to have done it." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Let the Countdown Begin
I scheduled my test date. July 25th at 8am. I went on a downward spiral emotionally yesterday after I got off the phone. I guess the reality of it all hit me. Changing careers, leaving my comfort zone of my job I have now, taking the NCLEX...then the thoughts of "what if I can't do it?"
I am very scared about the 'newness' of being a nurse & the unknown. However, I am trying to keep my anxiety under control and use my fear to motivate me to be more attentive and learn a lot from my preceptor. Funny as this sounds, I keep telling myself that it's not like I'm going to be the president or anything!! I think being the president is one of the hardest jobs in the world, no matter what you do, someone is going to criticize you & disagree with your decision. So, if there are people in this world who could muster up enough courage to want to be president, I think I can muster up enough courage to be a Med-Surg nurse at a community hospital.
I am very scared about the 'newness' of being a nurse & the unknown. However, I am trying to keep my anxiety under control and use my fear to motivate me to be more attentive and learn a lot from my preceptor. Funny as this sounds, I keep telling myself that it's not like I'm going to be the president or anything!! I think being the president is one of the hardest jobs in the world, no matter what you do, someone is going to criticize you & disagree with your decision. So, if there are people in this world who could muster up enough courage to want to be president, I think I can muster up enough courage to be a Med-Surg nurse at a community hospital.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Yep, Still Studying!
It will never end!! Kaplan classes are going well, at least I feel like I am learning something. I have bee averaging 300+ questions/week. I need to increase it to 100/day!! Help!!
I tried to schedule the exam - but they are on central time and were not open yet. I will try tomorrow. I haven't decided if I am telling people when I am taking it or not. I wonder what other people have done??
I spent the past weekend in desperate search of petite scrubs. WTF?! Where are the 6 foot tall people wearing scrubs?? 90% of the scrubs out there are ginormous! I resorted to online ordering, pretty dumb, considering I can't try them on, but I will just keep sending them back till I find something. With free shipping on orders over $100 you can't beat it! At least I'm not using up my gas to find stores that sell petite pants!
I tried to schedule the exam - but they are on central time and were not open yet. I will try tomorrow. I haven't decided if I am telling people when I am taking it or not. I wonder what other people have done??
I spent the past weekend in desperate search of petite scrubs. WTF?! Where are the 6 foot tall people wearing scrubs?? 90% of the scrubs out there are ginormous! I resorted to online ordering, pretty dumb, considering I can't try them on, but I will just keep sending them back till I find something. With free shipping on orders over $100 you can't beat it! At least I'm not using up my gas to find stores that sell petite pants!
Monday, June 9, 2008
More of the Same --> Good News!
Today was a double good news day. :) :)
First in the mail was my Temporary Practice Permit! That is exciting - and a relief that I filled out all that paperwork exactly how the State Board of Nursing wanted me to. I can officially practice as a Graduate Nurse under the supervision of an RN!
Second was my Authorization To Test (ATT). I can officially schedule the date for my NCLEX!! Hmm, the feelings surrounding this piece of mail were good, don't get me wrong, but also very SCARY!! I HAVE to pass this exam!! I will use all the fear that I feel right now to motivate me to study. Who cares that it is summer & the pool is open & the beach is calling me...I must, I must, I must study for NCLEX!!
First in the mail was my Temporary Practice Permit! That is exciting - and a relief that I filled out all that paperwork exactly how the State Board of Nursing wanted me to. I can officially practice as a Graduate Nurse under the supervision of an RN!
Second was my Authorization To Test (ATT). I can officially schedule the date for my NCLEX!! Hmm, the feelings surrounding this piece of mail were good, don't get me wrong, but also very SCARY!! I HAVE to pass this exam!! I will use all the fear that I feel right now to motivate me to study. Who cares that it is summer & the pool is open & the beach is calling me...I must, I must, I must study for NCLEX!!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Yeah, BABY!!
That is how I feel --- Yeah!! I got a call today and was offered the position at the hospital! whooo, big sigh of relief and huge wave of happiness :D
Details: Mon - Fri 7a-3p (maybe some weekends) Med-Surg/Rehab Float; reporting to the Nurse Manager that I think is the best nurse in the world & would love to be like her one day!!
I start July 8th for hospital orientation followed by 3 days of RN classroom orientation. Then about 3 months of floor orientation. Of course this is all pending my passing a physical & drug test (no sweat).
I love it!! I am so happy I feel like someone needs to pinch me to remind me it's real.
So NCLEX here I come, in the words of good friend, I'm "kickin ass & takin names!"
Details: Mon - Fri 7a-3p (maybe some weekends) Med-Surg/Rehab Float; reporting to the Nurse Manager that I think is the best nurse in the world & would love to be like her one day!!
I start July 8th for hospital orientation followed by 3 days of RN classroom orientation. Then about 3 months of floor orientation. Of course this is all pending my passing a physical & drug test (no sweat).
I love it!! I am so happy I feel like someone needs to pinch me to remind me it's real.
So NCLEX here I come, in the words of good friend, I'm "kickin ass & takin names!"
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
.:.Limbo.:.
I STILL don't know about the job yet. It is absolutely starting to drive me crazy. I potentially will start at the hospital in one month! The family I work for now already has a replacement starting for me on July 1st. (It isn't the kind of job you just give 2 weeks notice for!) So, if I don't get this job I will be unemployed. Not so great when putting gas in my car costs me $70!!! Maybe if I buy less food at the grocery store the gas won't be such a tight squeeze. Then I will eat less & lose weight...not a bad idea, but not really going to happen :)
The good news, none of my friends have heard from the hospital yet about a job. So that means they are still trying to determine the graduate nurse positions.
The bad news, I am anxious about what is going to happen, will there even be a position for me?
All of this makes it really hard to focus on the NCLEX. But I have started reading my Kaplan book and Monday(yesterday) marked my first day of questions. I did 105 in about 1 hour. I would've liked to have done more. My goal is about 120-175 a night. That will put me at about 7,320 - 10,675 questions by August 1st. It is so hard to stay focused, but I have a lot to lose if I don't!
The good news, none of my friends have heard from the hospital yet about a job. So that means they are still trying to determine the graduate nurse positions.
The bad news, I am anxious about what is going to happen, will there even be a position for me?
All of this makes it really hard to focus on the NCLEX. But I have started reading my Kaplan book and Monday(yesterday) marked my first day of questions. I did 105 in about 1 hour. I would've liked to have done more. My goal is about 120-175 a night. That will put me at about 7,320 - 10,675 questions by August 1st. It is so hard to stay focused, but I have a lot to lose if I don't!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Festivities!
Wow, what a week I just had! First was pinning on Wednesday night - it was great. We packed out the church it was held in! Mostly it was a long night of watching everyone get pinned and waiting for my turn. Eventually, I was pinned & at the end we recited the Nurse's Pledge holding a candle. That was the moment that it became very real, this commitment I am making to the public. Completely amazing!
Next was graduation on Thursday night. That was another long night, a lot of waiting for my name to be called. But then I heard it "Jamie Durham, Associate Degree in Applied Science, Nursing-High Honors!" What an accomplishment & it felt really good!
To top it all off was a long holiday weekend. I completely enjoyed myself and didn't look at one school related thing. By the time Tuesday rolled around I felt that I had begun to decompress from 2 years of major stress.
I finished up this week with the last two review classes for the NCLEX that were offerred by the college. They were helpful b/c it was mostly Peds and Maternity. I was surprised at how much I remembered of that stuff & in the same breath, how much I had forgotten!!
Another exciting moment this week was sending in my application to the PA state board of nursing for a nursing license. Now I just have to wait for my ATT (authorization to test) and I will be ready to pick THE TESTING DAY!
In that regard, today I began reading the Kaplan NCLEX Review book. I start class on June 4th and apparently I should have read the entire book & have done several online exercises before I start. Sounds like a lot, but I can handle it, after all I just graduated from nursing school!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Real Quick
I took my last final last night - whew! What a relief!! I have to say I was in quite a daze & could hardly concentrate.
The good news is I got a 96% on the final, highest in my class. That finishes the semester with a 96.2% for the class, highest again! What an accomplishment :D
So it is 5:36am, I couldn't sleep...seems to be the trend lately. Today & tomorrow I have an all day content review for the NCLEX. I'm not sure if I would rather be there or having a tooth drilled (at least I would get novacaine!)!!
The good news is I got a 96% on the final, highest in my class. That finishes the semester with a 96.2% for the class, highest again! What an accomplishment :D
So it is 5:36am, I couldn't sleep...seems to be the trend lately. Today & tomorrow I have an all day content review for the NCLEX. I'm not sure if I would rather be there or having a tooth drilled (at least I would get novacaine!)!!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
One Down - One To Go!
I took the first of two finals last night. What a relief! It was harder than expected, but I got a 93% surprisingly :) That gave me an A for the class, which is great!
So today is a full day of studying for the BIG exam tomorrow night. I feel fairly prepared for it. After a while the material starts to stick in my brain, fortunately, and then I feel better about the whole thing.
After the exam tomorrow there is no time for relaxing - our school scheduled an NCLEX review for Thursday & Friday. We have to be there at 7:30am! That should be interesting, to say the least. Hopefully it is helpful. The talk around school is that it isn't. I'll give it a try.
As far as the job scene, I am still waiting to hear if I am officially hired. Apparently, the budgets for the health system came out & not as many positions are available as originally planned. So I wait & I don't sleep. Welcome to Nursing in the real world.
So today is a full day of studying for the BIG exam tomorrow night. I feel fairly prepared for it. After a while the material starts to stick in my brain, fortunately, and then I feel better about the whole thing.
After the exam tomorrow there is no time for relaxing - our school scheduled an NCLEX review for Thursday & Friday. We have to be there at 7:30am! That should be interesting, to say the least. Hopefully it is helpful. The talk around school is that it isn't. I'll give it a try.
As far as the job scene, I am still waiting to hear if I am officially hired. Apparently, the budgets for the health system came out & not as many positions are available as originally planned. So I wait & I don't sleep. Welcome to Nursing in the real world.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Happy Nurse's Week!
In honor of the profession I thought it fitting that I should write something. Actually, May 8th is Student Nurse's Day - that is kind of nice that they acknowledge us students :) My college had a special morning program for the nursing students. It was mostly for the day students, I think I was actually the only evening student there. So that made it kind of strange to look around at a room of mostly girls, and I do mean girls, that will be my peers very soon. Most of them looked to be around 20 years old, wow. I don't think I could've done this when I was 20, so kudos to them!
They showed a video from Johnson & Johnson that had patients talking about the nurses who made a difference when they were in the hospital. It was really sweet & a little knot formed in the back of my throat. The speaker was a CRNA, MSN, PhD who specializes in hypnotherapy. It was kind of neat. Some of it sounded a lot like positive thinking tools, but if you think about it, patients in the hospital could use some extra positive thinking. One of the things he said was when you go into a patient's room, we always ask "How is your pain today?" He said that the word 'pain' conjures up all sorts of images in their mind & even if they didn't have pain they try to think if anything in their body hurts, etc. Basically, that we are suggesting that they 'should' have pain. Rather, he said to ask "How comfortable are you?" That the power of suggestion would help them. Even just simply suggesting that they are looking better then when you saw them on your last shift, would somehow improve their outcome. Pretty neat, I will give it a try. One thing that he did mention that was surprising was that it actually states in the PA Scope of Nursing Handbook that nurses can use hypnotherapy. I guess if we can use it might as well know how!
On another note, as I was watching my favorite shows last night, Grey's Anatomy & ER, I was trying to follow all the medical lingo as usual. Not so much with GA because that is more drama than medical. Mostly with ER, there was a girl/guy who came in with hepatic encephalopathy. I just learned that about 6 months ago & for the life of me could not remember all the details. The asterixis, decreased clotting times, that was slightly familiar, but it made me nervous! How will I ever prepare for the NCLEX?!
So amidst all the joys and celebration of graduation I still have a tough road ahead. After graduation I have to hit the books hard to remember skeletal traction, fetal heart rates, GI disorders, cardiac meds, transesophageal fistulas, renal failure, cancers, etc....
They showed a video from Johnson & Johnson that had patients talking about the nurses who made a difference when they were in the hospital. It was really sweet & a little knot formed in the back of my throat. The speaker was a CRNA, MSN, PhD who specializes in hypnotherapy. It was kind of neat. Some of it sounded a lot like positive thinking tools, but if you think about it, patients in the hospital could use some extra positive thinking. One of the things he said was when you go into a patient's room, we always ask "How is your pain today?" He said that the word 'pain' conjures up all sorts of images in their mind & even if they didn't have pain they try to think if anything in their body hurts, etc. Basically, that we are suggesting that they 'should' have pain. Rather, he said to ask "How comfortable are you?" That the power of suggestion would help them. Even just simply suggesting that they are looking better then when you saw them on your last shift, would somehow improve their outcome. Pretty neat, I will give it a try. One thing that he did mention that was surprising was that it actually states in the PA Scope of Nursing Handbook that nurses can use hypnotherapy. I guess if we can use it might as well know how!
On another note, as I was watching my favorite shows last night, Grey's Anatomy & ER, I was trying to follow all the medical lingo as usual. Not so much with GA because that is more drama than medical. Mostly with ER, there was a girl/guy who came in with hepatic encephalopathy. I just learned that about 6 months ago & for the life of me could not remember all the details. The asterixis, decreased clotting times, that was slightly familiar, but it made me nervous! How will I ever prepare for the NCLEX?!
So amidst all the joys and celebration of graduation I still have a tough road ahead. After graduation I have to hit the books hard to remember skeletal traction, fetal heart rates, GI disorders, cardiac meds, transesophageal fistulas, renal failure, cancers, etc....
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Gotta Get it Back
Yesterday, at the gym, I did my usual class at 9:30. Painful, very painful. Then I decided that I need to start running again. So I went on the treadmill after class. I only ran for 30 mins, did 3 miles and burned 275 calories. It was so hard b/c I haven't been running for a while. It is amazing how quickly you lose your endurance. I had been up to running for a straight hour and doing about 6 miles. I would love to have that back! But honestly, that is not happening anytime soon. It took me a month of running 5 days a week to get up to that.
I ended up paying for my running escapade, my lower back is so tight and sore. But I am so glad I ran, it is such a great feeling. Besides, I just bought a couple new swimsuit from a catalog - so the pressure is on to be able to fit in the size I ordered! ;o)
I ended up paying for my running escapade, my lower back is so tight and sore. But I am so glad I ran, it is such a great feeling. Besides, I just bought a couple new swimsuit from a catalog - so the pressure is on to be able to fit in the size I ordered! ;o)
Monday, May 5, 2008
Well I'm glad that's over!
I just had my last weekend of offical clinical. It was great, knowing that on Sunday when I got up at 4:45am and put on the blue scrub shirt & white pants, this was the last time. The morning went by quickly & I caught myself several times thinking that "this is it!"
As we were finishing up I had always imagined that angels would sing and the heavens would open up, but it was pretty anti-climactic. No bells, or bright lights, no great feelings. I was just done. Done with 2 years of weekend clinicals.
At post-conference my instructor talked a bit about the day, then she looked at all of us and said, "So, are you ready?"
Um, ...
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Interview News
I had an hour and a half interview today - I have to say I think it went pretty good. I absolutely love the floor I might be working on.
The only thing I wish right now I could change about myself is that I get soo nervous when I have to formally talk to people. It would work best for me if interviews could happen as you met up with someone in the hall and then walked down to the cafeteria together and got a coffee & donut. I guess just the formality of a suit, office, desk, them behind the desk you in front of the desk, and then the soul-searching questions kind of get to me. My voice quivered and sounded weird, but I was able to get across the major thoughts that I wanted to convey. Then the one question was asked, you know the one, that is so close to everything you want? 3 tears squeezed out on that one. How pathetic. I hate myself that I did that. They didn't seem to mind - they actually looked at me like they wanted to help or something (of course, they are Nurses!!). I recovered somewhat quickly and it turned out okay.
As I was driving home I thought, of all the professions, nursing is one that it is okay to cry. Your patients get close to you & you help them when they really need help, at their worst. What person wouldn't cry at that point?
Anyway, I should hear in about a week if I got the position. 87% of me thinks I got it. The other 13% is the common sense of me that won't let me be over-confident.
All I can say is wow. Wow, wow, wow. It is actually happening. I drove home listening to an ecclectic assortment of my favorite tunes. My favorite of the day was Carrie Underwood's "Crazy Dreams" (love her & her songs). Here's a little bit of the lyrics: (I bolded the lyrics that I especially love, and, yes I did refrain from bolding the whole thing!)
Hello you long shots, and dark horse runners
hairbrush singers, dashboard drummers
hello you wild magnolia's, just waiting to bloom
there's a little bit of all that inside of me and you
thank god even crazy dreams come true
i stood at the bottom of some walls
i thought i couldn't climb
i felt like cinderella at the ball
just running out of time
so i know how it feels to be afraid
and think thats its all gonna slip away
hold on, hold on
here's to you free souls, fight for life chasers (?)
street climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players
heres to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms
there's alot of wonder left inside of me and you
thank god even crazy dreams come true
never let a bad day be enough
to go and talk you in to giving up
sometimes everybody feels like you, oh feels like you, just like you
i've met some go getters, some difference makers
small town heroes, and big chance takers
i've met some young hearts, with something to proove, oh yeah
here's to you long shots, dark horse runners
hairbrush singers and dashboard drummers
here's to you wild magnolia's, just waiting to bloom
there's a little bit of all that inside of me and you
thank god even crazy dreams come true
thank god even crazy dreams come true
The only thing I wish right now I could change about myself is that I get soo nervous when I have to formally talk to people. It would work best for me if interviews could happen as you met up with someone in the hall and then walked down to the cafeteria together and got a coffee & donut. I guess just the formality of a suit, office, desk, them behind the desk you in front of the desk, and then the soul-searching questions kind of get to me. My voice quivered and sounded weird, but I was able to get across the major thoughts that I wanted to convey. Then the one question was asked, you know the one, that is so close to everything you want? 3 tears squeezed out on that one. How pathetic. I hate myself that I did that. They didn't seem to mind - they actually looked at me like they wanted to help or something (of course, they are Nurses!!). I recovered somewhat quickly and it turned out okay.
As I was driving home I thought, of all the professions, nursing is one that it is okay to cry. Your patients get close to you & you help them when they really need help, at their worst. What person wouldn't cry at that point?
Anyway, I should hear in about a week if I got the position. 87% of me thinks I got it. The other 13% is the common sense of me that won't let me be over-confident.
All I can say is wow. Wow, wow, wow. It is actually happening. I drove home listening to an ecclectic assortment of my favorite tunes. My favorite of the day was Carrie Underwood's "Crazy Dreams" (love her & her songs). Here's a little bit of the lyrics: (I bolded the lyrics that I especially love, and, yes I did refrain from bolding the whole thing!)
Hello you long shots, and dark horse runners
hairbrush singers, dashboard drummers
hello you wild magnolia's, just waiting to bloom
there's a little bit of all that inside of me and you
thank god even crazy dreams come true
i stood at the bottom of some walls
i thought i couldn't climb
i felt like cinderella at the ball
just running out of time
so i know how it feels to be afraid
and think thats its all gonna slip away
hold on, hold on
here's to you free souls, fight for life chasers (?)
street climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players
heres to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms
there's alot of wonder left inside of me and you
thank god even crazy dreams come true
never let a bad day be enough
to go and talk you in to giving up
sometimes everybody feels like you, oh feels like you, just like you
i've met some go getters, some difference makers
small town heroes, and big chance takers
i've met some young hearts, with something to proove, oh yeah
here's to you long shots, dark horse runners
hairbrush singers and dashboard drummers
here's to you wild magnolia's, just waiting to bloom
there's a little bit of all that inside of me and you
thank god even crazy dreams come true
thank god even crazy dreams come true
I love it, & it is better when she sings it. So, I'm a little bit in awe of my life right now. I'm enjoying every moment of it b/c I know it won't always be like this. As I was told today by the nurse educator, it will take about a year for me to get comfortable working on my own as an RN. It's going to get worse before it gets better, but at least it will get better!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sore
So, I joined a new gym about 3 months ago. I really like it & it is totally convenient. I go to classes Mon-Fri from 9:30-10:30. The classes are a mix of weight training to cardio, and occasionally a Latin Grooves class. :)
Every 3rd week though, the instructors kick it up a notch! The 3rd week happened this week - I am sooo sore! I am contemplating going today, should I or shouldn't I? I still have a couple more minutes to decide...
But, I have to admit, this new gym is really working! I've lost at least 3 pounds since I've joined!
Every 3rd week though, the instructors kick it up a notch! The 3rd week happened this week - I am sooo sore! I am contemplating going today, should I or shouldn't I? I still have a couple more minutes to decide...
But, I have to admit, this new gym is really working! I've lost at least 3 pounds since I've joined!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
The Emotional Wave
So, I've been warned about this part of graduating. The part where you are on cloud 9 and then the part when you are crying and feel like you are a complete imposter for even thinking that you could be a nurse.
Right now I am just jittery and unsure of what is going on. I have an interview for a Med-Surg/Oncology/Orthopedic job on Thursday. Totally exciting & scary at the same time. It's like in the past when I've prepared for a test, worked & studied so hard that I must know the material by now. And I think, if I fail this test then I just am not meant to be a nurse and someone else who is smarter can take my place. That's how I feel about the job, if I am not good in my interview then there must be someone else out there who has a bigger heart and greater compassion for patients, so they must deserve to get the job more than me.
I haven't interviewed for a job for over 8 years so I am definitely out of practice. I'm not really sure what kind of tough questions they will ask, but I feel that I've asked myself all those tough questions for the past 2 years. Like why do I want to do this?!
Anyway, I am excited to at least get a little bit more of my future solidified, ie. a job!! And in all honesty, I am so scared. All of my clinical experiences have been in the sheltered coccoon of my clinical group w/ my friends and an instructor. Now baby bird is getting kicked out of the nest. I guess I will sink for a little bit then gain my strength to fly.
Like I said, the emotional wave. It takes you high and low in seconds. Since I can't stop it, I'll just ride with it I guess. What else can I do?!
Right now I am just jittery and unsure of what is going on. I have an interview for a Med-Surg/Oncology/Orthopedic job on Thursday. Totally exciting & scary at the same time. It's like in the past when I've prepared for a test, worked & studied so hard that I must know the material by now. And I think, if I fail this test then I just am not meant to be a nurse and someone else who is smarter can take my place. That's how I feel about the job, if I am not good in my interview then there must be someone else out there who has a bigger heart and greater compassion for patients, so they must deserve to get the job more than me.
I haven't interviewed for a job for over 8 years so I am definitely out of practice. I'm not really sure what kind of tough questions they will ask, but I feel that I've asked myself all those tough questions for the past 2 years. Like why do I want to do this?!
Anyway, I am excited to at least get a little bit more of my future solidified, ie. a job!! And in all honesty, I am so scared. All of my clinical experiences have been in the sheltered coccoon of my clinical group w/ my friends and an instructor. Now baby bird is getting kicked out of the nest. I guess I will sink for a little bit then gain my strength to fly.
Like I said, the emotional wave. It takes you high and low in seconds. Since I can't stop it, I'll just ride with it I guess. What else can I do?!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Rainy Sunday Mornings
Ok, it's 5:45am on Sunday - is there anyone else awake at this awful hour? Nobody should be. I only have 2 more weekends after this left in my clinical rotations. So, some interesting things to note about getting up this early...
1. When you are driving at 6am on a weekend day be careful b/c there are police patroling the streets. I guess they think that irresponsible, drunken people get up early and drive recklessly. I flew past a police officer doing 70 in a 55 not too long ago. I didn't get pulled over, but I was going to flash my nursing student uniform and stethoscope for some sympathy if I needed to.
2. If you go to Dunkin Donuts to buy decaf coffee (b/c you've already had 3 cups of regular at home), it will not be fresh. It will be an hour old & since you don't have time to wait for a new pot to be made - you'll get it for free :)
3. Waking up this early throws off your bodies' hunger mechanisms. At 5am you are still full from your late dinner the previous night. So instead of eating breakfast, you skip it, have coffee & head out the door. So as fate would have it, around 9:43am you get a severe hunger pang while helping a patient to the bedside commode. At 9:56am when you are cleaning your patient's bedside commode you immediately lose your appetite.
I'm off to another clinical - better go get dressed!
1. When you are driving at 6am on a weekend day be careful b/c there are police patroling the streets. I guess they think that irresponsible, drunken people get up early and drive recklessly. I flew past a police officer doing 70 in a 55 not too long ago. I didn't get pulled over, but I was going to flash my nursing student uniform and stethoscope for some sympathy if I needed to.
2. If you go to Dunkin Donuts to buy decaf coffee (b/c you've already had 3 cups of regular at home), it will not be fresh. It will be an hour old & since you don't have time to wait for a new pot to be made - you'll get it for free :)
3. Waking up this early throws off your bodies' hunger mechanisms. At 5am you are still full from your late dinner the previous night. So instead of eating breakfast, you skip it, have coffee & head out the door. So as fate would have it, around 9:43am you get a severe hunger pang while helping a patient to the bedside commode. At 9:56am when you are cleaning your patient's bedside commode you immediately lose your appetite.
I'm off to another clinical - better go get dressed!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
A first for everything!
This is my first time creating my own blog. Thanks to dear friend who showed me her blog on here - I decided to join.
2008 is going to be the best year of my life so far! A lot is happening & I wanted to share all the ups & downs! Hope you enjoy :)
2008 is going to be the best year of my life so far! A lot is happening & I wanted to share all the ups & downs! Hope you enjoy :)
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