The only thing I wish right now I could change about myself is that I get soo nervous when I have to formally talk to people. It would work best for me if interviews could happen as you met up with someone in the hall and then walked down to the cafeteria together and got a coffee & donut. I guess just the formality of a suit, office, desk, them behind the desk you in front of the desk, and then the soul-searching questions kind of get to me. My voice quivered and sounded weird, but I was able to get across the major thoughts that I wanted to convey. Then the one question was asked, you know the one, that is so close to everything you want? 3 tears squeezed out on that one. How pathetic. I hate myself that I did that. They didn't seem to mind - they actually looked at me like they wanted to help or something (of course, they are Nurses!!). I recovered somewhat quickly and it turned out okay.
As I was driving home I thought, of all the professions, nursing is one that it is okay to cry. Your patients get close to you & you help them when they really need help, at their worst. What person wouldn't cry at that point?
Anyway, I should hear in about a week if I got the position. 87% of me thinks I got it. The other 13% is the common sense of me that won't let me be over-confident.
All I can say is wow. Wow, wow, wow. It is actually happening. I drove home listening to an ecclectic assortment of my favorite tunes. My favorite of the day was Carrie Underwood's "Crazy Dreams" (love her & her songs). Here's a little bit of the lyrics: (I bolded the lyrics that I especially love, and, yes I did refrain from bolding the whole thing!)
Hello you long shots, and dark horse runners
hairbrush singers, dashboard drummers
hello you wild magnolia's, just waiting to bloom
there's a little bit of all that inside of me and you
thank god even crazy dreams come true
i stood at the bottom of some walls
i thought i couldn't climb
i felt like cinderella at the ball
just running out of time
so i know how it feels to be afraid
and think thats its all gonna slip away
hold on, hold on
here's to you free souls, fight for life chasers (?)
street climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players
heres to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms
there's alot of wonder left inside of me and you
thank god even crazy dreams come true
never let a bad day be enough
to go and talk you in to giving up
sometimes everybody feels like you, oh feels like you, just like you
i've met some go getters, some difference makers
small town heroes, and big chance takers
i've met some young hearts, with something to proove, oh yeah
here's to you long shots, dark horse runners
hairbrush singers and dashboard drummers
here's to you wild magnolia's, just waiting to bloom
there's a little bit of all that inside of me and you
thank god even crazy dreams come true
thank god even crazy dreams come true
I love it, & it is better when she sings it. So, I'm a little bit in awe of my life right now. I'm enjoying every moment of it b/c I know it won't always be like this. As I was told today by the nurse educator, it will take about a year for me to get comfortable working on my own as an RN. It's going to get worse before it gets better, but at least it will get better!
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